21. Speaking Silence..

Farah came home at her usual timings, i.e 5 pm, winding up the normal routine work, she cooked dinner, it was almost 8, there were still  time for Wali to come home, so she decided to catch up on a novel. Grabbing a cup of coffee, she opened Harry Potter, book 7, her all-time favorite, she could read this series endlessly and she had even lost the count how many times she had read the books. She was skimming through the novel, when she heard the door click, she jumped, closing the book, and as expected it was Wali.

"aj jaldi a gaye?", she hugged him, questioning, as it was just 10.

"hmmm, ", he normally said, walking,

"kia hmmm?, jaldi ku a gaye?", she said taking his bag as he took off his over-coat, Farah was sensing something amiss, he quietly went inside.

Farah went in kitchen, to arrange dinner but her thoughts were in Wali. Farah thought may be he was tired, but he behaved a bit more strange today, may be his job.."OH NO!, kahin job tu nahi chali gayi, tabhi jaldi a gaya hai", she immediately went inside the room, leaving her cooking in between.

She slowly opened the door and Wali was sitting on the couch, very ardently looking at a photo album. Farah knew this album, it was his family's album, she had seen it, but today all of a sudden he took it out. She sat beside him, placing her hand over his shoulder, "Wali"

"I have paid every single penny Farah", he plainly said, rubbing his hands on the pictures, and for a moment Farah couldn't understand, but it was just for a micro-second, "OMG!, really Wali?", she was still in that exquisite state of mind, oscillating between disbelief and belief.

 "haan", he was still looking at the pictures, his mother's picture with him. Farah was really excited, but seeing Wali, all her excitement vanished "maa ki yaad a rahi hai na?", she could sense tears forming in his eyes, she held his hands and placed her head on his shoulder

 "tum itney udaas ku ho Wali?, ye tu khushi ki baat hai tum.."

"plz leave me alone for sometime Farah", he said, turning the next page on album and Farah  was dumbfounded, "ku Wali?, main.."

"plz Farah,", his voice showed that he was adamant on what he said

"main nahi jaon gi, ye kia baat hoyi, ik tu tum itney udaas ho aur..

"Farah for God sake plz!", he closed the album with a force, shocking Farah, "Wali main tu bus'"

"Kia problem hai Farah, ik bar main baat samjh nahi ati hai tumhain?, I don't want to share means I don't want to share!, why the hell don't u just leave  me alone, is it necessary to force me all the time!"

"Wali.."

and before she could complete her sentence, Wali walked out of the room. She just heard the door banging and then she heard the main door bang also, it felt as if her heart was crushed under his foot steps, she  didn't go behind him, because she knew he won't listen anything, her tears started flowing down her cheeks and she sat  down on the sofa, hugging her legs. This was the first time Wali behaved like this with her and she didn't know how to react. His voice was so filled with anger, he shouted at her, she just closed her eyes, just as an attempt to stop his voice collide with her ears again and again. This was supposed to be the happiest day, and what did it turn..

Wali sat on a bench beside the road, again caressing the pictures of his parents, this was the day he so wished his parents could be alive, he wanted them to see that everything was finished, the only problem they faced was finished, he was imagining the smile they could have if they were alive, the relief in their eyes, the satisfaction on their face, and due to this immense pain, there was nothing in his mind, except for the fact that he didn't have the two people with him for whom he worked so hard, all his childhood started flashing in his mind, the warm caresses of his mother and the protective hand of his father, he just hugged the album close to him, as close as  possible, trying to feel the warmth of his parents.

About after three hours he started walking back to his home and as he entered, he re-called what he did with Farah.  He entered in the room and she was sleeping on the sofa, hugging his picture tightly. His heart melted in a moment. The fear of his loud voice was still evident on her face, he could see the frozen tears near her eyes. She just seemed like a kitten cuddling, scared and terrified. He sat beside her, rubbing his hand near her eyes. He carefully picked her up and took her to bed, placing the comforter on her and lying beside her, he slowly took the picture from her hand, and as he took it,  Farah  came out of her weak slumber, but before she could say something or even open her eyes, she sensed Wali hugging her tightly, and he buried his face in her neck.

 Farah was left totally speechless to react, HE WAS SORRY!, she could sense it, the tight hold of his arms, and a tiny tear that fell on her neck was enough for her to understand what he was feeling. His grip was increasing; it felt as if he wanted to give her the assurance that it won't happen again. Tears started to flow out of her eyes too, but she managed to control her sobs, it was as if they both were not able to face each other. Wali was not in a mental state to apologize, and she didn't even want him to.  She just hugged him back, not saying anything, giving an impression that she was still in sleep.

Wali slept soon as she hugged back, it was always this with him, her warm touch was always intoxicating for him, and Farah also wanted to sleep. It was enough emotional turmoil for her.

 Next morning, when she woke up, Wali was already ready for his work, "ab ku kaam karna hai?",she normally started the conversation without any hint of last night. "part time job chor di hai, kuch tu kaam karna pare ga, so I will continue the construction work, until my status gets legal  next month, phir degree k sath khain apply kar lon ga", he said arranging his things and not looking at Farah.

 This was not her Wali, he was never like this, she so wanted to hug him and console, the pain she saw last night was still there, it felt as if the same invisible barrier came in between them again . He left without saying anything further.

 Farah kept on thinking the whole day, thinking about what is lacking??, what went wrong??, she still wasn't able to penetrate through Wali or was it Wali who never let her. What happened last night could have been avoided, only if Farah would have given him some time alone, he surely would have called Farah in the next half an hour, and then he would have placed his head in her lap, slowly talking about all. But she got impatient, it was just she couldn't let Wali sit alone in that vulnerable state. But the problem was she insisted, and Wali hates when he is forced for things, especially when he was so sad,  but he was sorry, he was guilty , but he couldn't apologize, he couldn't look in her eyes. In one morning she had started missing the Wali who used look through her soul with his intense eyes, she had to work it out. His apology came to her and he should know it, it is not his fault only, she was equally guilty. She didn't need his apology, but she had said this all to him several times, she had said so many times that he didn't had to say, but still it was..she closed her eyes..thinking hard what should she do, how should she make him realize that he should not be guilty..she was thinking about every phase of their relation..and there she realized what was lacking.. she opened her eyes!..she couldn't believe they had been avoiding it for so long!

 In the afternoon, Wali was expecting Farah for lunch, but at the same time he was guilty for being rude to her, and he wasn't being able to face her comfortably, he should apologize but he was so poor at expressing this. It was just too difficult. He was taking her for granted, he was always rude to her, always, and she never complained. Even in the morning she was being so sweet. He closed his eyes, thinking he may lose her, it was high time he should accept that relations need assurances, concrete assurances and he even wasn't able to give her the basic assurance of a relation ' HE NEVR EVEN CONFESSED TO HER!. How long would she tolerate, after the initial glorious days of companionship his silence will start cutting the relation, as it had started too, what if he would have spoke to her last night, everything could have been avoided, but the problem is HE DIDN'T WANT TO!,

Even after so much happening, he still wasn't able to convince himself that he should have talked to her, he was adamant that the relation would not last forever because changing his ways was impossible and every time expecting her to compromise was foolish.

He communicated through silence and silence has no meaning, no language it cannot convey, but he was unaware that his silence spoke volumes ..and Farah, in her office, was working on the way she would make him sure of it, making him sure that he had the speaking silence.

Farah came at her exact time and they had their lunch in silence, but Farah was again and again stealing glances at him, she wanted to tell him that his sorry had reached her, but she was content that she had come with a way.

After lunch, she got up to leave, while Wali was still sitting, she placed a letter in his lap, kissed his check  and ran away, "Farah ye..", Wali was shocked at her sudden tactic, but she ran away too  fast, he puzzlingly gazed at the letter and he had no choice but to read it and so he did that:

 My dearest husband,

Tumhain kia lagta hai, mujhe pata nahi chalta hia?, ya mujhe samjh nahi ati hai,do I seem so dumb and stupid to u?, or do u think I am that girly or immature  to ask for apologies from you?

Why didn't u talk to me in the morning in the way u always did? Meri tarf ku nahi dekha?..kia hai Wali?, u think u need to say what u feel?

 I don't need your words Wali, because your eyes, gestures and your touch does that for you and for me..

I know u always think that maybe u don't express properly, or u don't say things to me which I deserve, but u don't know who much your gestures speak to me.

when I hug you on returning home and u kiss my hair, that tells me that u missed me.

When u always try to finish dinner forcefully, it tells me that u don't want to break my heart by pointing out faults in the dinner.

when u eat rice a little more than usual, that tells me that I cooked well.

when u try to tuck my tied hair behind my ears, that tells me that I look beautiful.

when u place your head in my lap, it tells that how peaceful you feel near me.

when u close your eyes on my forehead stoking, it tells how much you me want me ..

when u always hold my hand , it tells me that how much protective you are towards me.

When u look at me Wali, it tell me that you love me, everytime u look at me, your eyes confess to me,

And when u hugged me last night, it told me you were sorry..

U don't need to say anything Wali..because u say it best when u say nothing at all..

and now here are the lyrics  of my all time favourite song..don't worry I will make u listen to its audio also..but for now just the lyrics, because they speak what I want to say..

Its's amazing how you can speak right to my heart

Without saying a word u can light up the dark

Try as we may, we can never explain,

What I hear when u don't say a word.

The smile on your face lets me know that u need me,

There is a truth in your eyes saying u will never leave me

The touch of your hand says you catch me wherever I fall

You say it best when u say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking aloud

But when u call my name, u drown out the crowd

Try as we may..I can never define

What's been said between your heart and mine..

 I love you Wali..just the way you are and i love when u don't say a word..

because you say it best when u say nothing at all..

I love you..

Farah Wali Khan

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Farah was walking to home, at her usual time; hoping Wali would have understood what she wanted to say to him. She knew he won't react anything, it will just be a gesture from him that will make her realize that he understood. She thought that today is going to be a romantic evening, and her cheeks turned pink.

 She opened the door, and taking off her sweater, she walked through the small corridor, and as she entered the lounge she was shocked..the whole dining  table was full of rose petals. She quickly ran towards it and  slightly brushing her hands over the petals, her eyes caught an envelope in between, she quickly grabbed it, her heart giving her the indication of whose it could be but the mind warning that you should read first. She opened the envelope and her heart was right, it was Wali's handwriting:

I am not a perfect person,

 there are many things I wish I didn't do, but I continue learning

I never meant to do all those things to you,  

but I just want u to know.

I found out a reason for me, to change what I used to be,

 a reason to start over new and the reason is YOU

I am sorry that I hurt you

That's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through, I wish I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

That's what I need you to hear

I found out a reason for me, to change what I used to be

A reason to start over new and the reason is you.

I just want u to know

I found out a reason to show, a side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do,

and the reason is YOU..

The reason is you Farah..the reason is YOU..

I love you..

And before the tear in Farah's eye could travel the path down her cheeck, Wali's arms enveloped her waist from back and she felt his whisper in her ear, "I love you"

Farah  closed her eyes and allowed all the tears to slow down with gushing  speed, she felt him kiss her shoulder and she dug her nails deep into his arm skin, "I love u Farah, I love you to infinity", he again said and Farah turned around on his arms to hug him tightly, her eyes were still closed and she pulled him close, as close as it was possible.

They kept standing like that for quite a long while because Farah was just not moving away, Wali tried to move away but she was hugging him very tight, with holding his shirt in her fists, her head buried in his neck and she was quiet. After a few attempts of moving away, he stopped trying and waited until Farah herself would move away. So after sometime he felt her fists opening and her grip slowly loosening she raised her eyes and looked at him with swollen eyes and he slipped his arms across her waist, picked her up and lead to the couch and she snuggled into him as he sat beside, and again she was quiet, she kept her head on his chest with her eyes closed.

"have we reversed roles?", he asked normally and Farah was still quiet.

"Farah, why are u so quiet?"

"I  want to absorb  this moment ", she said as she snuggled more near him, her eyes were still closed.

"but i want to talk", he said in an insisting manner, and Farah raised her head, "I love you Farah", he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and observing that her eye-pockets were getting wet again, he kissed them, "u know why did I said that u are heading towards fire on the lake that day?", she shook her head in disapproval plainly, and Wali smiled at  her innocence, "because I don't know how to convey the warmth of my heart, it just comes out like fire, burning everything, I don't know how to share and express, I could never even say to my parents how much I love them, I can't even talk to my sister, I just don't know how to do all that, and even with you, I am always stiff, I talk when I want,a and I don't when I don't want, I have just lead life according to what I like, everytime it is just about me!", he was fiddling his fingers with her hair and softly speaking, while Farah was just staring at him, embedding each and every word of his in her heart, "but you made me change, and made me say what I feel, just by giving me the assurance that u even understand what I don't say", he kissed her eyes again, "i am sorry for everything, everytime I,.."and before he could complete his sentence, Farah pressed her lips against his', for a  moment he was caught off guard, but then he kissed back, reciprocating her love and passion.

When she pulled back, she ignored her shyness and looked straight in his eyes, "I told u not to say sorry for anything", her voice was strict and Wali couldn't help smiling, "ok!", she placed her head back on his chest, closing her eyes, "btw what do u think am I that outdated?, I have heard the song, its b Ronan Keating, u don't need to worry about the audio", he said in a bragging tone and Farah started giggling, "mujhe kai pata, I thought u never heard a song in your life, "

"very funny!, have u heard the song I wrote for u?,

"that is a song?, she was amazed, "I thought..

"what?, I have written it?", she nodded and Wali started giggling, "plz haan Farah, itna bhi romantic nahi banaya hai tumne", he said in a mocking tone and Farah hit him on the chest, "it is by  Hoobstank", he said grabbing her hand

"strange, I listen to  Hoobstank a lot, but never heard this one"

"so u were worried about me and u urself haven't heard the song i wrote"

"no need to show  much attitude, I will just bring the laptop", she jumped out of his arms, "hum YouTube pe sunte hian",

"Farah!", Wali was not all interested in listening songs that time and most that Farah went away, but Farah was back with the laptop  in a moment, and she adjusted herself back to her previous position and searched for the song on YT, although Wali wasn't in a mood , but seeing the smile on her face, he forgot about what he wanted, and pulled her more close, "I love you Farah", he whispered somewhere in between the song, "I love you too", she replied snuggling more into him.

Wali & Farah, finally managed to take over each and every single problem in their lives, their pasts, their careers, their families, their apprehensions, their diverse natures, they solved everything.

Finally living happily ever after.

 It was because of their deep, true and unconditioned affection for each other that none of their problems could take over their companionship.

It was because of their love that all the complications in their lives were the magical complications.

The End